FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING
MAY 16, 2025
Hey, my name is Sid, and I have been living with OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) for over 6 years. It is one of the hardest obstacles I have faced, and millions of other Americans are also trying to cope with OCD. 1 in every 40 adults in the United States has OCD, and some experts suggest the number may be much higher. Due to people repeatedly being misdiagnosed and the health care system prioritizing profit over compassion, we may never fully understand how many Americans are affected by this illness.
Personally, my recovery has been significantly set back due to years of talk therapy (which greatly worsened my OCD); I was receiving reassurance from a therapist regularly, as they incorrectly tried to talk me through issues and helped enable years of mental compulsions (which would eventually lead to lots of physical compulsions). The average therapist (as good-intentioned as they are) does not have a proper understanding of OCD, so it often gets mistreated and overlooked. At no point did anyone suggest that I do ERP (exposure and response prevention) which is the appropriate treatment for OCD. I had to put the puzzle pieces together for myself to realize I was being afflicted by obsessive-compulsive disorder, so after weeks of reading research about OCD (and after becoming so stuck in an OCD spiral that I was unable to attend my scheduled therapy session), I decided to find a therapist who was familiar with ERP. Only through this process was I able to finally get the diagnosis I needed, but unfortunately, by the time I received the correct diagnosis, the illness was “one of the most severe cases” the therapist had seen. Despite his previous experience treating inmates with mental illness and his numerous years of experience treating clients for NOCD, he was not confident that he would be able to treat me since I was so unwell. There were certain days when I could not leave my room without having panic attacks and engaging in numerous compulsions for many agonizing hours. At my worst, I stayed in bed for most of the day as I cycled between mental and physical compulsions (interlaced with incessant crying spells, which would sometimes last for hours). I felt broken and too terrified to function. The therapist recommended that I go to an inpatient center, which would be located hours away from where I lived. Furthermore, without any insurance and barely any money, I could not afford to put myself in an OCD inpatient center, so although preferred, this recommendation was not an option.
Nevertheless, through books, podcasts, a couple of months of helpful, yet ridiculously overpriced therapy, YouTube videos, lots of tears, and even more persistence, I have gained back a lot of the functionality that OCD robbed me of. However, this debilitating experience made me realize there is a tremendous yet often overlooked issue with the American mental healthcare system. Not only did it take way too long for me to receive the correct diagnosis, but even once I did, my mental health was so poor that I was not in a financial position to provide myself with the years of proper ERP treatment that would greatly assist in my recovery process.
Hence why I want to use this blog to open up more about my own experiences living with OCD and to discuss ways to cope with OCD. The more understanding and awareness that we can bring to such important, stigmatized topics, the more we can work together to address issues that in one way or another affect us all.
And it lets each other know that we are not alone in our suffering.
We are each a wave flowing back to a single ocean.
ME vs. OCD 
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